Wow! I really can’t believe yesterday was my last day being a teenager...I’m in my twenties now!! 🙌
I also didn’t think my 20th birthday was going to feel so insignificant. I guess I just always imagine my birthday as a day of special power and energy, but it’s just like any other day, really. Though in a different way, today has me reminiscing a little on my 8th birthday. I didn’t want a birthday... I didn’t want a party, I didn’t want gifts either... and well... I did want cake but wanted it dedicated to my doll for “her birthday” not mine.😉
To little Abby, birthdays were embarrassing (too much spotlight on me) and seemed as a means of dividing people...I would be another number higher than my little brother, whom I loved dearly. I didn’t like that separation it caused...it was the year the two of us really looked like twins and had began establishing our lifelong friendship and close sibling bond. We did literally EVERYTHING together. And I guess I’ve always just felt the division that the silly numbers attached to humans brought, of course, my age pressure and such issues only magnifying the problem.
Since I’ve gotten older, I like to take my birthday as an opportunity to reflect on things in life and how I’ve changed in the past year. Here are some of my thoughts I wrote:
Sometimes I still wish that “age” didn’t exist in a sense of defining people or holding them to a standard and evaluating where they stand in life in comparison with others. You see, change doesn’t happen the moment the clock ticks from one day to the next and birthdays are no exception. Change happens spontaneously throughout life. We all have different trials to bear and different weights to carry, and therefore mature and achieve success at different rates. We live and we grow through our experiences in life’s journey. There are times filled with joy, love, peace, thankfulness; and then there are dark times of loss, heartbreak, destruction, and pain. These are the days that change us and shape our characters. These are the days we have choices to make in how we deal with things. Nothing is forever...life constantly changes us every moment, yet I have hope in God to carry me through every situation. Throughout my life, there has been one thing that I’m the most thankful for, which is that God always knows exactly what I need, and brings into my life exactly who or what I need at His perfect timing. As cliche as it sounds, I believe everything really does happen for a reason. I’m excited to see what my twenties will bring for my life!
Here’s what I wrote the last couple years, but never shared here. (Just copying so I can remember them later haha).19th Birthday;On my birthday, I always like to think about how I’ve changed, how my life and mindset have changed, and also to remember the lessons I’ve learned in life and decide how I can become a better person in the future. One significant change from last year is that I’ve started writing again. In January, I challenged myself to write a “letter to myself”(it ended up being 3K+ words😂). Writing that letter helped me to better understand myself and why I do certain things, and show me what I still need to work on. I also write things like short stories, notes, and poems. I think writing is a great coping method and it helps me express myself...even though I keep most of it private. My mindset has changed too...I’ve realized how easy it is to think “Why?...Why this?...Why me?...” but to instead look at the challenges and struggles life throws at me as “I can’t see the big picture and I don’t understand “why” right now, but I trust that God is going to use all this someday.” In the past month especially, I’ve begun to look at life with a more hopeful and positive attitude. I may not have it all figured out, but I’m promising myself to get up, do my best everyday, and not give up on myself again. Some people in my life may have given up on me, but God hasn’t given up on me, so I shouldn’t give up on me either. He has a purpose for my life and I trust that He’ll give me the strength I need to deal with the rest. Of course, I still struggle some days, but I’m determined to win this fight!💪 One of the hardest things I’ve learned this year is that (most...not all) people simply do not care for others. They judge without knowing the full story. And, in my opinion, what is most hurtful is not when they don’t know and understand, but that they do not care to understand and that some do know and choose to remain ignorant to another’s pain and choose not to show compassion.I’d like to say a special ‘thank you’ to the amazing, supportive friends I’ve met on IG who are just the sweetest people I’ve met, and to the friends and family who continue to support me and encourage me. Your kindness and thoughtful messages asking me if I’m ok/how my mom is doing truly mean so much to me!💕.18th Birthday:✨Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about discovering who God created you to be.✨ I’m 18 now, but to myself, I don’t feel like I’m any different than I was yesterday...only a day older. Just for me to look back on later...I’m including what I feel like are 7 of the greatest lessons I’ve learned throughout my childhood:•ALWAYS do your best, because you will never regret the feeling you get when you know that you’ve done everything you possibly could to make yourself better in some way•learn to EXPECT disappointments, because more often than not, things won’t turn out perfect and things won’t go as planned...but if it does then it will be a truly wonderful surprise...and you’ll never feel as disappointed that way!•JUDGE less, and UNDERSTAND more. We all have issues. No one is perfect. You don’t know the extent of the problems someone else is facing everyday.•NEVER be afraid to share your story with others...you will find comfort knowing you have support and will no longer feel alone in your problems. You don’t know who might be going through something similar so that you might be able to help them feel less alone too.•NOTHING lasts forever...it might be hard, it might get worse, but you must trust in God’s plan...because He is carefully piecing together every detail of your life ‘puzzle’ and someday it will all make sense•LAUGH a lot. Smile through the tears, and make silly jokes about the crazy problems you face....after all it does help it all feel more bearable.•Have FUN. And do what you enjoy!