The Power Of Words

    I believe that words have power. Every day, we use words to communicate with others face-to-face or through text messages, listen to the words in song lyrics, and read the words posted online or written in books. Words allow us to connect and understand each other as we express our thoughts and feelings, and they also influence whether those connections are strengthened or destroyed. 

    Since my early childhood, I have had an exceptionally good memory. One might think this would be amazing, but it has its drawbacks. Something random can trigger my mind to seemingly travel back in time to feel the same hurt or happiness I initially felt. Words mimic a song playing on repeat sometimes. Some words painfully left scars, but others were a great encouragement to me. The impact words have had on my life has taught me the importance of choosing my words more cautiously, whether they be directed toward myself or another. I believe that words have the potential to heal, as expressive writing and talking through life's problems can be healthy coping mechanisms. Of course, there are times when the advice of Thumper, the little rabbit in the classic children's movie Bambi, should be followed: "If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all." Still, we must also realize that when we leave kind words unspoken, we have missed an opportunity, for all of those kind words that should have been said could have made a positive impact. The chances we have to use our words to encourage others, make a difference in their lives, and tell them what they mean to us are limited. 

    As Christmas is quickly approaching, a special memory comes to mind. It was Christmas Eve of 2016 and I had spent hours designing personalized calendars for each of my grandparents throughout the month of December, yet I had still not finished the calendar for my pawpaw. In fact, I had not even started working on it and part of me was worried about how he might react, because he often dealt with paranoid thoughts about photos. Even so, I felt the Holy Spirit strongly prompting me to make the calendar anyway, so I pushed myself and finished it that afternoon. On Christmas morning, my pawpaw came to eat breakfast with my family. After we had visited for a while, I slipped away for a few minutes and carefully wrapped his special gift. When I returned, I remember smiling brightly as I explained to him that it seemed to me that he was always the one doing the giving and that I had something for him to open. I handed him his present and told him that I had made it because I wanted him to know how much I loved him and appreciated his being my grandparent. The calendar was filled with pictures of us, mostly from my childhood, so he could look at them each day of the next year. The smile on his face and his eagerness to look through the photos was priceless. However, it was not until later that I realized why God must have wanted me to follow through with making that calendar before Christmas Day. The next day, my pawpaw passed away unexpectedly. Although he did not live to see that calendar on a single day in 2017, I understood that it was not about the calendar, but rather letting my pawpaw know how much he meant to me before my opportunity to do so was lost.

     I feel that this memory from my life can serve as a powerful reminder of the importance of not allowing the words that are on our hearts to say to be left unspoken, because the future is uncertain. I cannot recall a time in my life when I have regretted sharing something that was on my heart to express, whether it was in face-to-face conversation or in a message, letter, or social media post. Although the impact is sometimes left unknown, I believe that our words carry the potential to either lift or destroy another, and perhaps even make a life-or-death impact on someone's life in some situations. Therefore, I believe we should pay careful attention to the things we say because words are truly a powerful thing—words can be either a blessing or a curse.

Bʀᴇᴀᴋɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ Sᴛɪɢᴍᴀ ᴏғ Mᴇɴᴛᴀʟ Hᴇᴀʟᴛʜ

I recently shared some of my thoughts about mental health in response to a few questions for a college discussion post concerning anxiety and depression, underlying causes, the stigma surrounding mental health, reasons people do not reach out, and ideas to combat those problems. Since today is the last day of mental health awareness month, I decided to change a few things from what I originally wrote in order to make a more blog-like variation of my assignment here. I hope you will enjoy reading my thoughts on this. I would love to know how you feel about this topic too! (Feel free to DM me @ways2braid on Instagram) 💚

I would like to begin by acknowledging some of the situations that could be contributing factors in mental health issues: domestic violence, bullying, sexual abuse, breakups or toxic relationships, loss of a pet or a loved one, illness of oneself or a loved one, moving to a new place, failing to live up to one’s ideal self or an unattainable ideal that someone else has set, being unable to do something that one is passionate about, and disasters happening in the world. These and many other circumstances in which an individual might feel stressed, overwhelmed, or experience feelings of uncertainty or loss as a result of sudden life changes can contribute to the developing or worsening of one’s mental health issues. In addition, biological and genetic factors also play a role in mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, etc.

I feel that there are many reasons why it could be challenging for people to reach out for help, especially since different situations involve different emotions and are surrounded by different myths and stigmas of their own. In dealing with mental health struggles due to domestic violence, for example, the abuser would likely become angry at merely the hint of the victim opening up to a counselor, friend or family member about something like anxiety or depression. Due to the nature of abusive relationships, a victim may be brainwashed by the abuser into thinking that they deserve the abuse. The abusive person may convince the victim that the anxiety and/or depression is their own fault, that they are worthless, a lost cause, a waste of someone else’s time, or undeserving of therapy and recovery. The victim might be afraid to reach out for help to deal with their mental health issues because they fear being asked for further details that may lead someone to realize that the abuse is happening. I think a common idea surrounding situations such as this is that the victim “could just leave at anytime,” but many people outside of situations like this fail to realize that the solution is not so simple, thus often leaving the victim feeling too misunderstood to reach out for help at all.

In some cases, the person may feel shame or embarrassment for the traumatic experience that triggered anxiety and/or depression, and that prevents them from getting the therapy they need to begin recovering from the trauma. Some people may not feel comfortable asking for help because they feel like no one would understand them or their issues; therefore, it seems like it would be a pointless effort to make by attempting to explain. Still others may find reaching out for help challenging because they worry it would be perceived as “attention-seeking behavior” or that others might not even believe them at all. For young people especially, I think that jokes others make about mental illness could impact whether or not they reach out for help. In other instances, I imagine that a person’s mental health might gradually decline or begin as a seemingly normal response to a difficult trial, so the person ignores it, assuming it will eventually go away on its own. The overthinking caused by anxiety in itself may also prevent someone from seeking the help that they need. In a similar way, depression might cause someone not to reach out because they feel worthless and do not want to burden someone else. Some people might not even be sure of what caused them to fall into a downward spiral to begin with, therefore they do not know how to ask for help for a problem that they do not feel is readily understood even in their own mind. A person might not reach out because they compare their problems to someone else’s, or have been told directly that “others have it so much worse.” Therefore, feelings are invalidated or minimized and the individual who is struggling is lead to believe that their own mental health issues are insignificant, so that person then believes that their problems are “not bad enough.” This may lead one to postpone the idea of getting help because they have been made to believe that they don’t really need it in the first place. To some, it might even feel inappropriate or embarrassing to reach out for help because they feel as if they should be “strong enough to deal with it alone.” This type of mindset comes from our culture, as does the popular saying that “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” I can attest to the fact that this is so far from the truth, as the hurtful words people have said to me have played through my head on repeat even many years later, yet when I needed my arm surgically put back together after an accident in gymnastics, my physical health rebounded quickly and I progressed to harder skills. I much prefer the version that states “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will only cause permanent psychological damage.” Words cut deep, and I believe that some people may resort to facing their struggles alone in an attempt to protect their own mental health from the hurtful things they fear others might respond with if they were to try to reach out to them for help.

A common theme among the reasons I thought of for why it might be challenging for someone to reach out for help is the feeling or worry of being misunderstood. I think that raising awareness about mental health is a great way to combat many problems related to this. I searched for hours to find a video about the stigma around a specific mental health issue, but unfortunately never found one that I felt accurately discussed it. Instead, the few videos I found that dealt with the topic at all, promoted myths and neglected to highlight any root causes or even accurately explain the condition itself. As heartbreaking as that felt to me, it served as an example of how important it is to continue raising awareness, not just for mental health as a whole, but to speak out about specific mental illnesses that are rare, taboo, or that are not discussed often or accurately enough. Using a social media platform is an easy way for anyone to raise awareness and inform others about myths versus facts. There are so many hurtful things people seem to say because of the stigma surrounding mental illness. I think it is important to emphasize the fact that no one has the choice to wake up one day or the next dealing with mental health issues, and that someone dealing with anxiety, depression, or another psychological disorder cannot just “get over it.” The fact that one cannot possibly know exactly how something affects another person should also be acknowledged, because even if someone goes through the same experience, another person might deal with it much differently. Similarly, a message should be shared that pain is pain - each individual matters, as do their problems, no matter how big or small they may seem. We should promote a culture that validates a person’s psychological pain as they would someone with physical pain. It is extremely unhelpful to make jokes or degrading comments about mental illness, as someone in the same group of people could be struggling silently and this could make it even more difficult for them to reach out for help. I think that therapy and regular counseling sessions should be normalized and made to feel as common as if one were to go to the doctor for an annual checkup. Peer lead support groups can also help people to find understanding, validation and encouragement in each other during difficult times and eliminate feelings of loneliness in their own struggles.

The greatest suggestion I think I can give though, is to try. Make an effort. Oftentimes when people don’t understand something, they seemingly throw their hands in the air and give up altogether, but we must realize that we do have the power to make a positive difference in someone’s life, even if we do not understand exactly how that person is struggling. I know it can make all the difference in the world if someone simply asks a question like “how are you feeling today?” It can be tremendously helpful for someone who is struggling to have a person in their life who has a nonjudgmental and accepting attitude and is willing to provide a listening ear from time to time, without causing them to feel shame, embarrassment, or judgment for opening up. Talking about mental struggles often does not feel positive, but can have a positive impact nonetheless! I think it can also be helpful to separate the mental illness from a person’s identity and remind them of their qualities, such as being funny, kind, a good listener, etc. as opposed to anxious, depressing, boring, and so on. Just as it would not be seen as a character flaw to be forced to sit out of water activities due to wearing a cast for a broken arm, it should not be seen as a fault in one’s character to be anxious about being in a group or to feel depressed while others seem to be having a wonderful time, for example. 
Some ways to help a friend or loved one who is struggling are to treat them like a person, ask them what their triggers are, help them feel more comfortable in those triggering situations, send an encouraging message periodically to remind them of how much they mean to you, give them space if they need it, and be honest! It can actually feel quite comforting to someone to know that although you might not understand, you do want to and are willing to listen and learn how to better support them through the difficult times. Giving some reassurance that you won’t give up on them when things get tough is definitely another comforting way to help too.

I believe that each person has the ability to make a difference in our world in either a positive or negative way. Doing nothing is not a neutral response, but rather can often be a negative one. The ripples that occur as a result of one person’s kindness to another can impact things far more than one could ever imagine. The Asch experiment on conformity, which I studied in my psychology course, is a perfect example of how just one person speaking up can change an outcome. Just as the one person who said the correct answer in the experiment influenced some others not to conform to the majority, one person talking about the importance of mental health can help to positively influence others to speak out, and the impact might then be magnified exponentially. I believe this is one of the ways we can break the stigma and change how our world, culture, family, and friends view mental illness and the individuals whose lives are affected. 💚

~ As always, I am willing to listen if you are struggling and need someone to talk to. Because of my college courses, my response time may not be quick, but I will get back with you! Sending lots of love to you all, Abby ~

P.S. I also encourage you to check out Sam Cohen’s short video below, because I feel like the points she makes correspond well with my own perspective. I admire her bravery to speak out about this topic, especially as she deals with anxiety and depression herself, and I love that she highlights the invisibility aspect of mental illness in comparison to physical ailments.
Sam Cohen's Ted Talks Inspirational Speech

Birthday Thoughts

Wow! I really can’t believe yesterday was my last day being a teenager...I’m in my twenties now!! 🙌

I also didn’t think my 20th birthday was going to feel so insignificant. I guess I just always imagine my birthday as a day of special power and energy, but it’s just like any other day, really. Though in a different way, today has me reminiscing a little on my 8th birthday. I didn’t want a birthday... I didn’t want a party, I didn’t want gifts either... and well... I did want cake but wanted it dedicated to my doll for “her birthday” not mine.😉

To little Abby, birthdays were embarrassing (too much spotlight on me) and seemed as a means of dividing people...I would be another number higher than my little brother, whom I loved dearly. I didn’t like that separation it caused...it was the year the two of us really looked like twins and had began establishing our lifelong friendship and close sibling bond. We did literally EVERYTHING together. And I guess I’ve always just felt the division that the silly numbers attached to humans brought, of course, my age pressure and such issues only magnifying the problem.

Since I’ve gotten older, I like to take my birthday as an opportunity to reflect on things in life and how I’ve changed in the past year. Here are some of my thoughts I wrote:

Sometimes I still wish that “age” didn’t exist in a sense of defining people or holding them to a standard and evaluating where they stand in life in comparison with others. You see, change doesn’t happen the moment the clock ticks from one day to the next and birthdays are no exception. Change happens spontaneously throughout life. We all have different trials to bear and different weights to carry, and therefore mature and achieve success at different rates. We live and we grow through our experiences in life’s journey. There are times filled with joy, love, peace, thankfulness; and then there are dark times of loss, heartbreak, destruction, and pain. These are the days that change us and shape our characters. These are the days we have choices to make in how we deal with things. Nothing is forever...life constantly changes us every moment, yet I have hope in God to carry me through every situation. Throughout my life, there has been one thing that I’m the most thankful for, which is that God always knows exactly what I need, and brings into my life exactly who or what I need at His perfect timing. As cliche as it sounds, I believe everything really does happen for a reason. I’m excited to see what my twenties will bring for my life! 
Here’s what I wrote the last couple years, but never shared here. (Just copying so I can remember them later haha).19th Birthday;On my birthday, I always like to think about how I’ve changed, how my life and mindset have changed, and also to remember the lessons I’ve learned in life and decide how I can become a better person in the future. One significant change from last year is that I’ve started writing again. In January, I challenged myself to write a “letter to myself”(it ended up being 3K+ words😂). Writing that letter helped me to better understand myself and why I do certain things, and show me what I still need to work on. I also write things like short stories, notes, and poems. I think writing is a great coping method and it helps me express myself...even though I keep most of it private. My mindset has changed too...I’ve realized how easy it is to think “Why?...Why this?...Why me?...” but to instead look at the challenges and struggles life throws at me as “I can’t see the big picture and I don’t understand “why” right now, but I trust that God is going to use all this someday.” In the past month especially, I’ve begun to look at life with a more hopeful and positive attitude. I may not have it all figured out, but I’m promising myself to get up, do my best everyday, and not give up on myself again. Some people in my life may have given up on me, but God hasn’t given up on me, so I shouldn’t give up on me either. He has a purpose for my life and I trust that He’ll give me the strength I need to deal with the rest. Of course, I still struggle some days, but I’m determined to win this fight!💪 One of the hardest things I’ve learned this year is that (most...not all) people simply do not care for others. They judge without knowing the full story. And, in my opinion, what is most hurtful is not when they don’t know and understand, but that they do not care to understand and that some do know and choose to remain ignorant to another’s pain and choose not to show compassion.I’d like to say a special ‘thank you’ to the amazing, supportive friends I’ve met on IG who are just the sweetest people I’ve met, and to the friends and family who continue to support me and encourage me. Your kindness and thoughtful messages asking me if I’m ok/how my mom is doing truly mean so much to me!💕.18th Birthday:✨Life isn’t about finding yourself, it’s about discovering who God created you to be.✨ I’m 18 now, but to myself, I don’t feel like I’m any different than I was yesterday...only a day older. Just for me to look back on later...I’m including what I feel like are 7 of the greatest lessons I’ve learned throughout my childhood:•ALWAYS do your best, because you will never regret the feeling you get when you know that you’ve done everything you possibly could to make yourself better in some way•learn to EXPECT disappointments, because more often than not, things won’t turn out perfect and things won’t go as planned...but if it does then it will be a truly wonderful surprise...and you’ll never feel as disappointed that way!•JUDGE less, and UNDERSTAND more. We all have issues. No one is perfect. You don’t know the extent of the problems someone else is facing everyday.•NEVER be afraid to share your story with others...you will find comfort knowing you have support and will no longer feel alone in your problems. You don’t know who might be going through something similar so that you might be able to help them feel less alone too.•NOTHING lasts forever...it might be hard, it might get worse, but you must trust in God’s plan...because He is carefully piecing together every detail of your life ‘puzzle’ and someday it will all make sense•LAUGH a lot. Smile through the tears, and make silly jokes about the crazy problems you face....after all it does help it all feel more bearable.•Have FUN. And do what you enjoy!